Very hungry girls, very empty women
Why?
I have so many questions running through my head, and the one way to summarize them is to take their common theme; why? Why do men want multiple women, but aren't honest enough to tell those women? Why do women want one man exclusively but aren't honest enough to tell that one man? Why was I (and still am) bad a "reading the signs?" Why do I desire kissing so much and everything else so little? Why can't I attract any steamy make-out sessions? Why?
Why do women use food as a weapon against ourselves, but a comfort and peace when we give it to others?
I binged for jealous, loss kisses. "S" binged for lost chances. And "M" binged... because she's just lost? Even through a dazed mind, for the first time I recognized it for what it really was- trying to fill our hearts and nothing to do with our stomachs. But this type of "eating disorder" is swept under the rug and not talked about because we are considered of healthy weight or even over-weight. We may not be starving ourselves or vomiting after we eat yet, like so many other women and men, we see and use food as a weapon, a source of guilt. Many of us are starving in another way. We starve for a full life, a different world, a better society. It was a 3am clarity that found me, if only for a brief moment between stuffing my mouth full of enchiladas and ice cream (not together :) ). And now? I just ask... why?
But I'm not the only one asking questions. A favorite author of mine, Jessica Weiner, is also asking some questions. Her words are profound, thought provoking, and have brought me to tears. Read them out loud. Scream them from roof and mountain tops.
Who says
Who says my soft white belly must be brown and lean
Who says I should starve
Who says I should watch my weight
Who says be pretty
Be smart
Be nice
Who says don't disappoint
Who says you can't do that
Who says dress nicely
Wear make-up
Be stylish
Who says deny
Who says control
Who says pretend
Who says
Who says look in magazines
Who says change yourself
Who says be the same
Look like me
Look like you
Who says shhhhh
Be quiet
Don't speak
Who says not good enough
Not thin enough
Who says no
Who say no
Who says, who says, who says
Who says I should be anything but what I am
Who says punish myself
Who says eat
Who says work harder
Be better
Always win
Who says don't laugh
Who says be polite
Be like me
Be like you
Who says don't get mad
Keep it inside
Who says don't fight back
Don't give up
Let it go
No big deal
Who says, who says, who says
I say
Go to hell
-Jessica Weiner, "A Very Hungry Girl"
I have so many questions running through my head, and the one way to summarize them is to take their common theme; why? Why do men want multiple women, but aren't honest enough to tell those women? Why do women want one man exclusively but aren't honest enough to tell that one man? Why was I (and still am) bad a "reading the signs?" Why do I desire kissing so much and everything else so little? Why can't I attract any steamy make-out sessions? Why?
Why do women use food as a weapon against ourselves, but a comfort and peace when we give it to others?
I binged for jealous, loss kisses. "S" binged for lost chances. And "M" binged... because she's just lost? Even through a dazed mind, for the first time I recognized it for what it really was- trying to fill our hearts and nothing to do with our stomachs. But this type of "eating disorder" is swept under the rug and not talked about because we are considered of healthy weight or even over-weight. We may not be starving ourselves or vomiting after we eat yet, like so many other women and men, we see and use food as a weapon, a source of guilt. Many of us are starving in another way. We starve for a full life, a different world, a better society. It was a 3am clarity that found me, if only for a brief moment between stuffing my mouth full of enchiladas and ice cream (not together :) ). And now? I just ask... why?
But I'm not the only one asking questions. A favorite author of mine, Jessica Weiner, is also asking some questions. Her words are profound, thought provoking, and have brought me to tears. Read them out loud. Scream them from roof and mountain tops.
Who says
Who says my soft white belly must be brown and lean
Who says I should starve
Who says I should watch my weight
Who says be pretty
Be smart
Be nice
Who says don't disappoint
Who says you can't do that
Who says dress nicely
Wear make-up
Be stylish
Who says deny
Who says control
Who says pretend
Who says
Who says look in magazines
Who says change yourself
Who says be the same
Look like me
Look like you
Who says shhhhh
Be quiet
Don't speak
Who says not good enough
Not thin enough
Who says no
Who say no
Who says, who says, who says
Who says I should be anything but what I am
Who says punish myself
Who says eat
Who says work harder
Be better
Always win
Who says don't laugh
Who says be polite
Be like me
Be like you
Who says don't get mad
Keep it inside
Who says don't fight back
Don't give up
Let it go
No big deal
Who says, who says, who says
I say
Go to hell
-Jessica Weiner, "A Very Hungry Girl"